I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
