haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
