woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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