i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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