mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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