I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
