eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My life is pants optional.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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