If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
