I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
