sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
