1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
