dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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