I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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