dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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