My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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