wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
