I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize