Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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