he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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