Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
