Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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