Where did you get a picture of my penis
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
