she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
