I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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