New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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