if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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