my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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