.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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