false alarm. still invincible.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize