you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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