got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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