I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
