Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
