Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
