oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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