so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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