Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
