im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
