dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
