He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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