waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
