I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
