Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
