I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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