we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
