i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
