Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
