I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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