I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
