At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
