apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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