you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me