is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
