your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"