she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS