so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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