in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
i want to swaddle you in tequila
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Floor bacon is actually really good
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything