At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.