Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
