apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
