Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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