It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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