DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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