she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
