We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
