I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
