I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
