In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
