I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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