So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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