Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
where are my eyebrows?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
