i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
