So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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