if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry about my life...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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