I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
