Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
