I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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