A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
