he fucked my hip out of place.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
