My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
