Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
