so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
