I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my vag is so smooth its legendary
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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