Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
