first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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