The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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