Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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